Thursday, May 29, 2008


Just for you Heather...

There you have it!!!


Thanks for any tips...


Saturday, May 17, 2008

I have been alone at home since last night . I like being alone . At least for a day . It gives me a chance to put my thoughts in perspective , to face reality and the finality of it all. Wanna see?

I cleaned the garage some and I can actually put my van in now!!! LOL ...

I found a few treasures out there ...Wanna see?

Then I went outside a few minutes and had a conversation with the sun!! Tried to reach it but humm ...didnt work !!! Wanna see?

Now I am sitting here , listen to the most amazing music :

"I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever ,

I'll be there for you thru it all, even if saving you sends me to Heaven..."( your guardian angel)

We have received quite a few envelopes marked CJ and some Paypal donations!!!!! YAY FOR YOU GUYS , you are all awesome...for those who feel like they miss something go back to MAY 14th

Seems like I had more BUT I cant remember , it is tooooo early!!! LOL

One more thing ....(or two...) (or three)

I am still working on the video, i will have the list for you to check and make sure I have your child on it tomorrow.... if again you dont know what i am talking about check on April 23rd.

Now, you all know Haley , right ?She just started aa art projects, here are her words:

"I also have some more exciting news! I will be starting an ART PROJECT to make some money for childhood cancer. The plan right now is to create portraits of children who are fighting or have fought cancer, and have the background be their favorite color. I will either be auctioning them off on e-bay or on my friend Michelle’s blog. 50% of the proceeds will go to benefit the new organization that Michelle, Mimi, and I are all a part of called ”4 the kids”, the other 50% will be for more art supplies to make more art… not for profit.The artwork will be similar to these, though obviously of kids, not my friend Britni, and with more kid-friendly touches.
The name of the child or a word/saying of the family’s choosing will also be included in the art work. The back will include a copy of the child’s story. The family will receive a copy of the art work. If you are interested in having your child be a STAR (haha) in one of my pieces of artwork, contact me via email at, make sure the email subject is “Childhood Cancer Art”. I am really excited about getting this rolling, I think it will be a lot of fun, so spread the word! "(cp HALEYWORLD)

Finally ...About raising money for families with cancer kids:"Wanna own a part of Julian's world ?"

Check this out :



Saturday, May 10, 2008


Feb 06


Tomorrow is mother’s day ,
And my heart is busting with so much love…
The reason? 4 amazing lil men…
Sam, Alex, Julian and William .
Is anything different this year ?
One of them I cant touch ,
One of them I can’t smell,
One of them I can’t look at,
But does it make ME different ?
Does it make me less of a mother?
Is my heart any different as a mother?
NO, if anything love just keeps on growing..
So , please, don’t look at me different,
Don’t look so sad and so sorry for me,
Pity hurts , Pity is what would ruin my day ,
Missing my child doesn’t…
This mother’s day ,I haven’t lost a child ,
He still is my son,
But I have gain quite a few more children,
They might only be children of the heart ,
But for me on this mother’s day ,
They might as well be mine…

Mama (05-10-2008)

JohnEric, Coleman, Caden, Bailey, Gabi, Adi , Matthew, Emmy, Izaiah, Jessica, Hailey, Sam, Ethan ,Oakley, Teill (and so many more) .... Parents, thank you for letting me be a part of your kiddos lives, for being their lil mama....

Haley , hearing you calling me Mama is the best gift ever... Thank you ...

Mamie, tu es la meilleure des mamans du monde entier!!!! Je t'aime ...

here are a couple of videos you all might have already seen...
One is my bday(sept 07) other is Juju and I ...


I know it is the same post as the CP again ,but hey ...THIS IS MY OWN DAMN BLOG !!! LOL


Wednesday, May 7, 2008

We scooped up a bag of skittles , William and jumped in the van. Michelle handed me the keys and said "you drive" (kinda sounded like a bigger version of William!)
The drive to Maryland was great .It is beautiful up there , trees , grass ( green grass!!) , hills , farms , just picture perfect. I was really anxious to get there along with being scared.
Anxious because I had prayed that i would meet them someday then with John Eric being so sick , I had lost all hopes of ever seeing him.And scared because i knew what to expect when I 'd see him and I didn't know how I would handle it .BUT, I wasn't alone.
When I went in to see John Eric , I didn't panic , maybe just because it was all about John Eric , not about Ju or even less about me... I looked over at Haley a few times and her smile gave me strength .
A deep sadness filled my heart .As i looked into Jay's face, holding his baby boy, I thought how painful, yet beautiful it all was. Soooooooooo much love , yet so much pain, both of which are everlasting...
I will NEVER forget that image, it is forever engraved in my heart: Jay , sitting in the recliner ,holding John Eric in his arms looking down at his baby boy , smiling at him.
While I tended to Willbug for a few , Haley stayed with him , she saw John Eric fuss and cry for a little bit... Then he went back to sleep.
William found some little girls to play with. He was a hit !! amongst the little girls and the grand mas.... I didnt want him to see the baby at first , because i was afraid he would think it was juju...
They were passing the scrapbooks around .(pictures from their Disney trip...) I asked William if he wanted to meet John Eric. He decided that yeah sure he could do that, he kissed the baby's face and asked" Him sleeping?" i nodded and he went on to find toys... When I took him to the bathroom a while after that , he said to me " I like John Eric, he's my best friend"Was hard to hold the tears back...I think I have underestimated you , Willliam " you were brave!! "
We spent a couple of hours there , just looking at J.E. , touching with him , rubbing his little head and talking to him .

It was so saaaaad to have to go . he is a little magnet ...

Thank you so much guys for the warm welcome, the laughter, the tears , the pizza , the lasagna (with special ingredients !!) , and mainly for the love and peace that could be felt all the way home ...

Hugs to you guys